Dear Stay-at-Home mom who is not completely happy

This post is inspired by the division I've seen and experienced among stay-at-home moms and working moms. There's so much judgement both ways and so many snarls and assumptions about people based on this ONE thing that I want to write about it. 

Our culture is seriously fixated on these two groups and which we each belong in.  I, too, got caught up in the thought that I had to choose one or the other and one of these groups was right and one was wrong.  But we need to change our mindset and be cheering each other on because we're on the same team and on the same motherhood journey!

Here's some of my story in regards to this topic.

Dear stay-at-home mom who's not completely happy:

When we found out we were pregnant, my only thought was that I would of course stay home. There was really no other option. Most people I associated with and knew stayed home. In the Christian circle I was raised in and live in, it's the majority vote. Before I had Copelynn I thought, why would I WANT to work if I didn't financially HAVE to? That's crazy talk!   

Then I had Copelynn and got a real taste of what this coveted position in life is like. It is a blessing and a privilege. It is fun, it is hard, it is joyous, it is frustrating. And at times for me, it was completely draining of who I was. Just ask my husband what coming home from work was like some days. He probably wanted to go back sometimes! 

I was not totally happy staying home full time and I really struggled with why.  I felt like I SHOULD be happy staying home with Copelynn. Not being happy staying home was like not being happy while eating a candy bar. Who is like that?

I loved Copelynn. I loved being with her. I loved being the one to teach her, hold her, feed her, put her down for naps, play with her, and watch her grow.  I didn't want to miss out on those things.  But, deep down I was not truly content or satisfied staying home full time. The guilt I felt for this was immense.  For months I tried to convince myself that this was for me. I thought "Working mom's would kill to be me. I have the best job in the world right? This is a privilege Aimee, be happy."

I spent 9 months struggling with the "I SHOULD be happy. Why am i not happy!?!?!" card.

Then I broke through a wall one day after attending a webinar through the Influence Network about being a mom and working. I attended just out of curiosity and I am so glad I did. It provoked me to get real honest with myself. And my conclusion from that honesty was that I needed some time outside of my house.  I needed to find out what my sweet spot for staying home/working was.  Not what do I feel like I should do, but what do I truly want to do. What will make Aimee content and satisfied? Obviously it wasn't staying home full time.  

So Zach and I decided to venture out in this area and give the working world a whirl for this used-to-be-emotionally-stable-but-now-a-crazy-person mom.

I landed a job at Starbucks as a rehire and started to feel like myself again.  That time out of the house was like fresh air in my lungs. I was happy at home. I was happy working a couple days a week. I loved it. 

With this new schedule and breakthrough, my mindset started to shift from thinking being a stay-at-home mom is the right thing to do to being a stay-at-home mom is a CALLING. 

Just like any other job, I'd also categorize "stay-at-home mom" as a calling.  People are called to be doctors, dentists, UPS men, state workers, politicians, lawyers, sports coaches, teachers, etc.  And people are called to be stay-at-home moms. 

Motherhood is its own a calling. Being a stay-at-home mom is not automatically included.  You are no less a mother if you are not called to stay home full time. 

So be free you not-so-happy-stay-at-home mommies. Explore what works for you. Find out what you want.  Don't default to something like I did.  Jesus made you and made your likes and dislikes.  And they are okay, whatever they are.

For me, the best of both worlds works.  I work Monday and Tuesday evenings and Saturdays for a little bit.  The rest of the time I'm at home being mommy. And I love it.  I need both sides of the spectrum for my own mental health.

So, my fellow mama's who are like me and need to be freed from the "I should stay home full-time but I'm not completely happy/fulfilled" club...be free. Throw off whatever was put on you to make you think you're not a good mom if you're not 100% happy staying home with your kid(s) full time and find out what YOU are called to.