Couples Conference 2012

As I told ya'll on Monday, we spent last weekend in Seaside, OR at our church's Couples Conference. God totally came through to make this happen and we are still in awe of how he provided. Our registration fee was taken care of by some dear people that love us (makes tears come to my eyes still!), Zach got an unexpected bonus at work that covered our hotel and gas, and then to top it off, a sweet girl from our church happened to be working at Subway on Friday night when we stopped and gave us our dinner for free!

We just shook our heads and smiled at eachother and thought in unison and we doubted that God would come through.... He doesn't just come through you guys, he goes above and beyond what we even ask or expect. I should know by now that this is the kind of God I serve.

The speakers were our Youth Pastor's wife's parents from good ole' San Antonio. They are two of the most phenominal people on this planet. They happen to pastor the 17th largest church in the United States and you would never know. They are not fancy or flashy, they are so down-to-earth, what-you-see-is-what-you-get, humble, loving people. It blew me away. What I loved was the practicality of their messages. Simple stuff that makes a healthy, successful marriage. Things you could take away and easily put into practice. Loved it. And they were hilarious and unashamedly talked about sex the whole weekend. Loved it even more.

Each couple recieved a book that Robert and Julie put together on marriage, which I'm soaking up, but here's one of the things they spoke on that we both loved:

Genesis Chapter 31 - Example from Jacob and Rachel on how to come to an agreement when you've got a problem.
1. Identify the Problem
2. Determine what the Bible says about the problem
3. Have a private conversation with your spouse about it
4. Be totally 100% honest with your spouse, don't hold anything back
5. Bring to the conversation examples of the problem
5. Let your spouse respond and listen to their response
6. Come to an agreement
7. Take action on that agreement

Nothing mind blowing, but so good and practical, right?

And tons of other good stuff like:
Talk 30 minutes a day
Speak your spouse's love language
Publically praise and privately correct (this goes for spouses and children)
If you want to change your husband's behavior, compliment him.
Identify good "talk times" for you both
Make your spouse #1 priority. Not your job, not your church, not your children, not your family. Your spouse.
Change yourself, not your spouse.
Pray everyday that you'll love your husband more
Sex = meeting eachother's needs

So glad we got to take part in the conference this year.  We were refreshed and recharged and renewed!

Life is simple and we're blessed

Saturday started out as a hard day.  You know those ruts of life that you get in sometimes that just drive you to an emotional breakdown/insanity? Well that was Saturday morning for me. Between the pregnancy horomones and the grey rain outside, I was a grumpy crying snot blowing woman by 9am.  For reasons I couldn't articulate. Which irritates me in itself because I like to know why I am irritated by the tiniest of things and why I just want to go curl up in a ball and cry!

I'm a shower crier. So I went and cried in the shower, after being encouraged to do so by my husband. I started writing this because I am just so thankful that I married such a thoughtful, considerate, sensitive-to-how-I'm-doing man.  He knew I needed some extra TLC. I wanted to tell him why, but really didn't even know why but he didn't care why or why not...he just showered me with some really good lovin and TLC.

After pushing me into a hot shower, turning on some soft music, letting me cry on his shoulder, holding me tight in his arms, looking into my blood shot eyes, and taking some deep breaths together, he said "if you could do anything this morning, what would you do?" So on that note we went to my favorite coffee shop, drank yummy coffee and ate a yummy pastry. Doesn't all quality time involve coffee and pastries? YES :)  

We talked about us and this baby in my belly. We read our bibles and talked about funny, stupid mistakes we've made and learned from. Talked about our future. And suddenly my soul felt light again. Suddenly those stormy dark clouds covering my view of my wonderful husband, my gracious Savior, and my blessed life were lifted. 

And this is why I am utterly, on-my-knees grateful that God saw it fit for me to marry when I did. Because Zach's love continues to change my life. He helps me see the light at the end of the tunnel. He reminds me of God's great love. He reminds me that its okay to get this way. He reminds me of who I really am. He is the one who puts his hands on my shoulders, his nose on my nose, and looks me in the eyes and reminds me that life is simple and we're blessed.  Thank you God that I get to talk through life with man.

Dear Young Person Getting Married...

Dear young christian person getting married (or any other person not having premarital sex):

Today's world concerns me when it comes to weddings, marriages, and the life of two people making a HUGE committment to eachother.  I got married almost 2 years ago and as I turned from single young lady to a married young lady, I began to have a firey passion to see marriages succeed and be healthy. I think about it all the time; when I see people in the grocery store, at the gym, at church pretending to have it all together...my mind races wondering who they are, how they got to where they are, what they could be, the potential that lies within them...I just want people to have healthy, lasting marriages.

What concerns me is the time and energy spent fantasizing, dreaming, obsessing, and planning the wedding DAY and the lack of time spent investing in the relationship of the people getting married.

Okay, I LOVED planning our wedding. And we spent many days obssessing over every detail...and you should too!

What I'm trying to say is; are you spending the same amount of time (if not more!) obssessing over, talking about, focusing on your heart, your future spouse's heart, and the health and status of your relationship/communication/committment/attitudes with eachother?

The wedding day will come and go, but what you invest or don't invest in your relationship will show.

It you're not having sex before you're married, it's probably the biggest thing you think about when you think about getitng married! That's just about all that was on my mind after we left our wedding reception! But, marriage doesn't just consist of being at home having sex everyday all day. In fact, the sexual things that you've been told no no no to all this time, are awesome and spectacular, but are only a small part of marriage. 

Your honeymoon will be a blast. You'll get it on and love it! But you will also go back to work and go back to reality and have to learn how to operate and function together in real life. You have to learn how to prefer your spouse over yourself. You have to learn to pick your battles. You have to learn how to communicate. You have to learn to be intentional about doing special things for your spouse. You have to learn how to compromise. You have to learn how to tell your spouse that they hurt your feelings and be willing to forgive. You have to lay your pride down and say you were wrong.

So, invest in your relationship. If you don't know how to, you can see some things we did here here and here . But it's not about what we did. It's about what you're doing.

Go read a book about marriage, ask lots of questions, invest in eachother and not just your wedding day. Invest in your time with the Lord, not just your wedding plans. Get off pinterest and pray for your spouse and pray for your marriage.  You'll be glad you did because like I said before, the wedding day will come and go, but what you invest or don't invest in your relationship will show.

Truth to speak

At work we have this cool thing that happens every other week—we get together and watch an Andy Stanley teaching. Right now we’re going through his series called Guardrails. It has been REALLY encouraging, inspiring, thought provoking, and challenging.

One thing that Andy said last week that caught my heart was “Kids are a welcome addition, but you are already a family.” (talking about married people and about a marriage centered family, opposed to a kid centered family.)

WIth that statement rolling around in my brain, thinking about Zach and I and our future kids, I collected the following scriptures while reading my word this morning. Scriptures that pertain to us....my family. Grab 'em for your family, too!

But they're verses that I want to pray over us. Verses that are promises from the Lord or ways to raise our kids or things to strive for as individuals and as a family. Verses that I want to live my life by and teach my kids someday. Verses that I want to describe us.

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6



The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender. Proverbs 22:7 (don't incur debt, or get outta debt)


Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him. Proverbs 22:15

Do you see a man who excels at his work? He will stand before kinds, he will not stand before unknown men. Proverbs 22:29 (translation: hard work pays off!)



Apply your heart to instruction, and your ears to words or knowledge. Proverbs 23:12 



Do not withhold correction from a child. For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from hell. Proverbs 23:13-14 (NKJV)

Okay, I am not going to abuse my kids. The Message version is a good, modern translation for this verse: Don't be afraid to correct your young ones; a spanking won't kill them. A good spanking, in fact, might save them from something worse than death. Proverbs 23:13-14

Do not let your heart envy sinners, but be zealous for the fear of the Lord all the day. Proverbs 23:18

Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established. By knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches. Proverbs 24:3-4

For a righteous man may fall 7 times and rise again. Proverbs 24:16

Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles. Proverbs 24:17

As I noted all of these for future reference, I thought, "wouldn't it be great to start a collection of these verses as I run across them and put them into some kind of book?"

YEAH!

More like a dedicated file on my laptop! :)

Before I got married, I didn't have my own family, But now that I am married...Zach and I have to make decisions on what our family will be, what our standards will be, what we will and won't do, what we will and won't say. I think these things are just as important now as they are when we have little ones. 


Andy Stanley also said this: "Nobody plans to mess up really bad. But most don't plan not to."

The Unpreparables of Marriage

I'm talking about the UNPREPARABLES of marriage today on my awesome sister-in-law/cousin-in-law's blog! Enjoy!

Bragging Rights

My husband is an amazing man. And I want to brag on him. There are so many things I am so, so thankful for when it comes to Zach and our marriage.

The fact that I am married and have healthy marriage is proof that God is bigger than how you were raised, bigger than divorce and bigger than your fears. I saw divorce and brokeness growing up in SO many marriages. So I resolved that if that was what marriage was, I wanted no part of it. Therefore, I wasn't getting married until I was 30.

Looking back on what I used to believe about marriage and everything I didn't think I could be or do or have makes me eternally grateful for how good my God is. He turned so many things around. I was a loose cannon of woman before! I have no problem admitting it, cause it was the truth! I was rebellious, unsubmitted, didn't answer to the word "no" no matter who said it, disobedient and unhealthily independent. I was this way with my parents and the Lord.

So how does that work in a marriage!? Well, God did some work in me ya'll! Either I wasn't as jacked up as I remember being or God did a lot of work. He put people in my life that bore an example of a healthy, godly marriage all throughout Anthem. Through my pastors, leaders, and host home parents, He showed me that marriage is a blessing and what a godly wife looks like. He showed me what a godly husband looks like. For what felt like the first time, I saw that marriage didn't have to end in misery or divorce. People actually had good marriages.

What it all really boils down to is: Who is leading?

I am a leader. I have always led; in school, in sports, in work, in everything.

Now, Zach is my husband, the head of our household, the head of our family. The leader.

There can't be two leaders in anything. Everyone knows that.

So am I not a leader anymore?

Nope. Better believe I am! But I've learned that God designed marriage this way--for the man to lead and woman to trust and follow. This does not mean that I do not have a voice. This does not mean I have no say or opinion. This does not mean I am disregarded, not accounted for, not listened to, not valued, or unimportant. God designed the man to lead because, I believe, women were not created to bare the burden of being the head. We weren't created to bare the weight of what it means to truly be the leader! He created men for this. He gave them this heavy duty and responsibility.

But women are offended by this. I was. I felt undermined by this design. Like hello, why does it have to be this way? I don't like it, so I was gunna do my own thing.

You can't get married with this attitude! Well, I guess you can. But then you have a woman doing a mans job and a spineless husband not doing his job. God gave men the balls, not us :)

But, I've seen and experienced the beauty of a well oiled marriage where the wife allows the man to lead! My thinking has been transformed and I decided to do things His way because my way did not work out very well, imagine that hah.

I've learned what it means to let go and let Zach lead. And it's been beautiful. I want my kids to see this amazing thing. I want my kids to see a not perfect marriage, but a marriage of two people doing their best to do things God's way.

So, back to the bragging:

Zach lays down his life for me like Jesus laid down is life for the Church. All.the.time.

Zach pays the bills and does our finances. I am so grateful that he takes care of this because I hate it. It makes me worry, makes me crazy, makes me stressed. But he loves it, and is SO good at it. So grateful that I have a man who steps up to the plate and handles our money with intelligence and does it really well. I let this go and let him lead it.

Zach knows my love langauges. Poor guy, ever since we tied the knot suddenly I became an acts of service girl. Typical haha. BUT, nonetheless, he realized this and embraced it. He does the dishes all the time, cleans the bathrooms, cleans the whole house. Because it blesses me.

Zach is committed to one of my biggest desires; which is to see my family. He started an "Aimee go to CA" fund so I can go every couple of months for the weekend. What a man.

On that note, we also drove 12 hrs on a whim on Christmas Eve to be with my family in Sacramento for Christmas.

Zachary Charnock, I'm so in love with you. Thank you for being the most amazing husband and friend in the world.

And that about wraps up all of my current thoughts and opinions on marriage. Thanks for readin!

Anniversary Weekend

I can't believe we've been married for a year! A year ago on Oct 10th, Z and I got married. To celebrate we went to Seattle for a couple of nights. I love vacation for many different reasons. I consider myself a healthy person and don't usually spurge on stuff because i like to be healthy but vacation means that goes out at the window. hellloooooo. bring on the soda, desert, whatever food we want. Love it.

If there's one thing I've learned about my husband since we've been married its that he loves going out to eat. Whatever it is about it, he just loves it. So, we ate alot, no complaining here! Chipotle, always a favorite. Dominos, yes on our anniversary :). Starbucks, of course. Red Robin, all American just like Zach. Olive Garden, never disappointing. By the way, have you ever seen Chipotle's "kid" chip bags? I got one and they're the cutest thing ever. you'll have to Google a picture because i forgot to take one.

Zach also loves aquariums. And i do, too, Montery Bay aquarium is the BEST. Seattle Aquarium was decent. Sorry Seattle, I'm a tough critic sometimes. We definetly missed the bring your kid day memo! But saw a lot of fish!

We also saw the Blueman group @ The Paramount Theater! It was our first time seeing these guys and it was well worth it--we were thoroughly entertained, highly recommend their show! For those of you who don't know who they are, I'm not even sure how to describe them. yeah they're that good! They're like a comedians / musicians / entertainers. Check em out on youtube.com

What a great year of marriage it has been. It makes me so sentimental because i never wanted to get married and never thought i would be married at 22--because I was afraid of it (thats another blog for another day). But oh how blessed i am. so so beyond blessed. Zach is the most loving, caring, attentive man in the world. I fall more and more in love with him everyday. What's by best marriage advise after 1 year? Talk about everything. Make sure your spouse is aware how you feel about them everyday and learn their love language.