The disease of questing for a name for myself

I was sitting here doing my homework for my Multicultural Evangelism class and I was reading about how the Israelites went questing for a “name” for themselves in Genesis11 and Genesis12. And something was struck so deep in my heart. The author states:

“Despite these many promises of blessing, humanity continued to search for significance on it’s own terms by questing for a “name.” Amidst the emptiness of this quest—this vacuum of looking for social status, reputation, and achievement apart from God—Genesis12:2 suddenly announces that God would give Abraham a “name” as a blessing from above rather than a result of his own godless striving.”

I couldn’t move past this paragraph without allowing the Holy Spirit to check my own heart and allow the places in me that want the same thing as the Israelites did so long ago—to make a name for themselves, to advance their own reputation, at the expense of the “name” of God—to be revealed and torn out of me. Man, what a toxic, cancerous disease we as humans can allow to consume our lives. The want for recognition and a reputation, to see our name in lights. God revealed this idolatry in my life a couple months ago. I know I am called to speak, I am called to preach, I am called to write; and I was starting to get impatient with God, not seeing these things happen. I wanted to see these things come to be in my life so bad, so I started to take it into my own hands to make them happen. God saw my heart the whole time! He lovingly revealed that I had placed speaking and preaching and my name over HIM. He is the God who created me and made me and loves me, and I had put these things higher in my life than I had put Him. I could only cry and repent, that I had let the enemy distort the call of God in me, and allow me to think that I could be great, and be KNOWN, at the expense of the Lord’s call and name. My heart was filled with grief and repentance. The lord was drawing me nearer to him through time. Since this time, I have not be on a stage. And this paragraph in my school book this morning just reminded me of all of this. I am not mad about it, I am not sad about it, I am rejoicing, because my God loves me so much to cleanse me and make me new and forgive me and put me back in minstry even better than I was before. I believe that I will be on stage again, but not until the Lord is done with searching my heart for this disease of “making a name for myself", and not until I am led by him to further his kingdom instead of by my own selfish, insecure motives; not until it is purely for HIS fame and not mine. There’s a song that fits so perfect- The Reason I song by Jimmy Needham. Listen to it if you have the chance::

If it's just to top a song chart, to feed the kids and get bigger car, the sky's already got enough stars, and they all sing your name. And if I'm here to write a number 1, to get a gold or maybe platinum, make me a singer who is unsung, cause you won't share your fame.

Cause even acalades someday, will fade away, oh just like me. Yes, everything but you. Many years from now, it won't matter how, how well i write the rhymes i do, help me get back to the reason i sing for you.

I'm always looking for the lime light. To dim my house and make the stages bright, compared to you I'm just a nightlight, against the blazing sun. I enter rooms and hope the notice me, to fill my social insecurities, I'm asking is there any hope for me, cause there's only room here for one.

Cause even acalades someday, will fade away, oh Just like me. Yes, everything but you. Many years from now, it won't matter how, how well i write the rhymes i do, help me get back to the reason i sing for you.

Why are we so conviced a bigger audience is simply common sense to have. What if success is measured best by nothing less than our obedience.

So if i'm destined for a small stage, the small crowds and the small pay, then maybe in a small way i can bring you fame. Help me get back to the reason I sing for you.
-Jimmy Needham, The Reason I Sing

Lord, may that be my mantra and my mission--to bring YOU and YOU alone fame.