A mama's need

Never have I needed and been in love with Jesus more than now. A wife and mama about to turn 28. (11 days! Zach and I have a fun birthday get away planned this year, so I am for sure counting down.)

I've got a bossy, intelligent, bright almost 4 year old. A sweet, spicy, and strong almost 2 year old. Another little baby growing in my belly making an appearance in a couple months. A husband. A house. Dishes. Meal Plans. Dirty laundry. Clean laundry never quite put away. Diapers. Pull-ups. Bath toys everywhere. Legos everywhere. Nail polish on the wall. Cheerios all over the kitchen floor. Eggs under the table instead of in the mouth of the little person I made them for. Work. Bed times. Nap times. Dirty minivan. Church. Pregnant belly. Scared toddler in my bed at 3am. Knees in my back, trying to sleep.  Trying to keep fit. Trying to cook healthy meals. Budgets. Bills. So many bills. Car payments. A mortgage. Appointments. Owies. Disciplining children. Loving children. Teaching children. Playing with children. 

There's something about the responsibility of it all that reveals my short comings way more than I'm comfortable with. So this morning I found myself awake at 5:15am sitting at our kitchen table because I desperately needed some quiet time with Jesus. Time to just sit before him. No one needing anything from me.  But me needing a lot. Needing to pour my heart out to him. My fears and concerns that keep me all wound up inside. My insecurities, my burdens. And He listened. And He got it. And He met me. The truth of the good, good STRONG Father he is hushed my anxiety.  He's got it all under control. I don't have to. I needed his truth of who he says I am to remind me of my confidence, my purpose, my strength that is found in him. To do all the things. To love all the people (my babies & husband). 

He is perfect. He is loving. He is always there. He is forgiving. He is grace-filled. He is everything us mamas yearn for. To be heard. To be seen. To be loved. To be cared for. To be encouraged. To be inspired. 

Just like me, I'm sure you have looked to people closest to you for these things and been disappointed and frustrated because they're human and flawed and cannot be your everything.  

But Jesus...he can...he is....he came to be our strong shoulder to cry on, our gentle hug, our sweet forgiveness when we think we've totally missed the mark with our kids.

Motherhood is a crazy journey of great highs and great lows-sometimes in the same day. It has a way of stripping you bare. I have never been more aware of my need for Jesus' mercy, wisdom, love, grace, patience, truth, and direction than in motherhood. As challenging as it is, its this perfect opportunity to let Jesus mold us, shape us, and reveal himself to us in a whole new way.  And that is what I look for as I walk through my days with these little humans and all that is on my plate. Because He see us and loves us. And is all we need.