Can't catch up with life

Ever feel like you just cannot catch up with life sometimes? I’m raising my hand on the other side of this screen.

The dishes, my bible study homework, our cluttered kitchen table, the laundry, my sleep (or lack thereof). No matter how many dishes I do, there are always more. No matter how many times I pick things up around the house, other things seem to appear. No matter how many times I wipe up the counters, I find them in the same state less than 24 hours later. Cannot get to bed early enough to get enough sleep to end the cycle of exhaustion. We’ve been finding ourselves waking up every day repeating “aw man, need.more.sleep.”

We have just been trying to survive lately. Trying to just stay afloat! Leaving the messes we
usually take care of and not doing bible study/the gym because getting some rest is just more urgent and important.

It’s an odd season to be in for sure. A lot has been going on with our families recently that has demanded just about all of our emotional capacity and attention—leaving no energy or emotional capacity left for much else right now.

It’s been hard for me some times because it’s not possible to operate like I normally do with all the family stuff going on. I like to keep things in order, I like to be on top of what I have on my plate, I like to serve at church more; but the days are full and overwhelming already and at the end of each work week I find myself exclaiming “phew, we survived!” and then plopping on the couch with a sigh—really looking forward to sleeping in on Saturday.

We knew it would be like this for some time because of the stuff taking place that is out of our control. With that in mind, we stepped out of serving in GU for now. We’ve been really aware of how much we exert ourselves and how much we say “yes” to things. I hate it and I miss those students. But, it’s what we prayerfully felt was the right thing to do.

At times I find myself frustrated because I feel like we’ve been forced into this season and forced into not being involved in GU. My feathers get a little ruffled when my life is shaken without my permission!

One thing I’ve come to realize through this, though, is that so much of who I am is wrapped up in what I do.

I’ve had a couple panic attacks because “I’m called to preach! I’m called to speak into students’ lives! I’m called to help change this generation for the better! I’m called to BUILD THE KINGDOM!”….and the platform of GU is gone right now...

I’ve been forced to look in the mirror and realize that who I am and what I am called to does not come from serving in GU. Or anywhere else for that matter. I’ve felt the Holy Spirit whisper to me “you are still called, you are still chosen. I have not forgotten my promises to you.”

I've been a doer my whole life. And I find that God takes every opprotunity he can to remind me that who I am is in him not in what i do.

God, knowing what this year would entail, told me to rest to retreat with him in 2012. I’m thankful that he knows what I need. Let’s all hope this season doesn’t last a YEAR! What’s that song about this too shall pass? I think I’ll go listen to it.