Guest post with Alex!!

Today we have a guest post from my dear friend Alex.

She sent what is below to me and I was laughing my butt off, beaming with pride as a friend, and reminded to fully embrace the present and love my life.

I'll be polite and do introductions now!

Alex is one of my bestest and closest friends. She's a barista, piano teacher, an amazing friend who will eat lots of horrible food with you without feeling an ounce of guilt, and an incredible woman of God. I admire and look up to this girl! You can visit her here.

If someone came to me and was like "who should I be like?" I'd say ALEX!

Hold onto your faces, because you're going to laugh them off!

“What if you woke up one day with only the things you thanked God for the previous day?”

I heard that somewhere and it’s been coming to mind a lot.

The past couple of years I have just been so happy I don’t even know where to begin when I start to thank God for the blessings he’s given me! Literally. I will spend a 30 min drive thanking God for everything I love in my life and I’m not even done by the time the ride’s over. He’s given me peace, purpose, provided for me in EVERY SINGLE WAY. One of the things I value the most is that He is constantly renewing my perspective. Showing me another truer way to perceive what I’m seeing and experiencing. I used to think my life would be perfect after I got just one last thing. These past few years, He’s been showing me how that one thing is perfect just the way it is.

Ready?! The one thing that I thought was standing in between me and my perfect life was:

I’m single.

I’m 22, and I’ve been single for a very significantly longer time than I’ve been dating. And up until a few years ago that was a serious problem for me, not enough that I’d settle for dating some loser guy, but I was not happy or content being single. I never knew, guessed, fathomed, or even remotely suspected that I could be happy, fulfilled, exuberantly joyful, satisfied and content and be single at the same time.

Surprise surprise!

That’s one of the things I was thanking God for on my sunny drive the other day. “Thank you God that I’m single and can do whatever I want!”

There are a lot of reasons I avoided dating in high school. Those are a whole bunch of different stories, but one of the main reasons is that I just had this idea in my heart of what I wanted a relationship to look like. I knew that if I was going to be in a relationship I wanted it to be serious, and real, and deep, and fun, faithful, and long lasting. I knew I didn’t want to have that sort of relationship with a lot of guys. And I just never met any guy I could see myself sharing that sort of relationship with.

I used to think that my being single was a consequence of not being good enough, pretty enough, having too many crazy emotions, not being loving enough. I felt like I was incomplete, that my beauty and desirability was validated by having a boyfriend. I remember I harbored a deep fear that there was something horribly wrong with me. I also believed that my not having a boyfriend was directly connected to my self worth.

“I don’t have a boyfriend because nobody wants me.”

I think that’s a big root of why anyone abhors singleness. You see why I’m so grateful that God changes my perspectives? Most of this “suffering singleness” happened during high school, funny enough. I wanted to be married so badly. Which was silly. I mean, really? This “longing for a husband” thing I’ve noticed is a big thing among Christian girls. We know we’re supposed to save sex for marriage. We know we’re not supposed to fool around with guys. So, we are like, “LORD LET ME GET MARRIED, AND FAST.” Lol. Think about that realistically: If two teenagers were to get married tomorrow, where would they live? How would they support themselves? They aren’t even legal adults.

I know so many young women, ones who are actually at an age where they could get married, who have postponed their lives until they meet Mr. Right and get married. As a woman would you be attracted to a man who was waiting around to pursue things in his life until he was married? No way! I want a man who is doing things with his life.

There’s that cliché saying that “today is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present.” If you’re single right now, enjoy it! If you can free yourself from insecurity, learn to love who you are (or become the person you want to be), there is so much freedom to be enjoyed in this time of our lives.

There will be a time in my life where carseats and Dorito crumbs permanently reside in the backseat, but it is not this time. Until then, I have made it a point to drive shiny sports car coupes that are notably carseat incompatible.
There will be nights when I’m "lulled" to sleep by the roaring tractor lodged in my husband’s nose, when I feel his unclipped toenails scrape against my legs in the middle of the night and wake up to his rancid morning breath, but that's not tonight! Until then, I’m going to thoroughly enjoy falling asleep to the sweet sound of silence and having the whooooooole warm snuggly bed to myself.

There will come an evening when I’m tired and not even hungry but there's a husband and some small humans, waiting for me to cook them dinner by 6, who will have the audacity to complain about it not being tasty enough - but that was not this evening! Until then, I’m going to eat whatever the heck I want when I want. Chocolate Turtle cheesecake for breakfast, lunch and dinner till it's gone!
There will come a time when I have to pick up a kitchen that has been destroyed, but not by my hands. I will clean shaved facial hair off of the sink and flush poop down the toilet that didn’t come out of me and pick dirty boxers off the floor and put them into a basket of laundry that I will wash, fold, and put away. But that is not this time of my life, right now, I’m going to dwell in clean master bedrooms and appreciate the fact that I have only myself to clean up after.

After work, if I want to go to Barnes and Nobles – I will. If I want that dashingly attractive pair of 50% off shoes I will buy them and no one will chastise me about how many shoes I already have. If I want to hang out with my friends all night, I will. I wanted to go to Cambodia for a mission trip, so I did. I don’t have to make sure it’s ok with anyone. I don’t have to tell anyone where I’m going, what I’m doing, explain myself, ask permission, negotiate, compromise.

I’m free.

It's incredible!

I work out at 12am if I feel like it. My movie collection contains a grand total of ZERO war movies. My tv screen isn’t a ginormous monstrosity the size of an abominable snowman. There aren’t any animal parts hanging on my walls. I don’t have a garage full of unused power tools. A video game console has not breached the threshold of my front door and the sounds of warfare are not blasting through my house. In my house, WOW is still an expression - not an acronym. I have a giant closet all to myself. I’m not fighting or arguing or putting up with anyone's annoying habits.
There are tons of perks that come from being in a relationship, be it marriage or dating. And I’m really looking forward to them. I'm not getting laid tonight, let's be honest. But there are tons of perks that come with being single as well. Until the right person and the right time rolls around, I want to make the most of this stage of my life. It’s easy to not see the present possibilities when your sights are set on future fantasies. But when the honeymoon stage is over, and the magic that once glossed over morning breath, shaved whiskers, long toenails, and unflushed toilets is gone, I don’t want to long for the past when I had the bed to myself and could do whatever I pleased. I want to have soaked up this time of my life so fully that when I’m in the next stage, I’m ready for it - and not craving the past.