Giving Up on Good 2.0

Yesterday I was reading my life journal....Philippians 3:12.


And my giving up on good for this week hit me:


Strong. I'm always trying to be strong. 


Not a bad thing. But as a daughter of Jesus, as a Christ follower, being strong is at times more of a hinderance than a good thing.


So, long story long, I am giving up on being strong....for something better....for something far more purposeful and eternal.


Sometimes life calls for us to be strong and other times it calls for us to give into the struggle.


And thats me. Hi, umm raising my hand. It's time to give into the struggle....the good kind of struggle. 


The kind of struggle between your flesh and your spirit. The kind of internal, mental, emotional struggle that you wrestle with. The kind of struggle that God allows you to go through to be more like him, to be more like the person he made you to be.


I'm giving into it and giving up on being strong.


Philippians 3:12 says: 'Not that i have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.'

I will never "arrive" as long as my feet walk this Earth, I will not have obtained it all and arrive at the place God has for me...for my mind body and soul. I am always on the journey to that place....until he comes back and we're in heaven.

Therefore, I will always have points of growth and failure and clutter and imperfections in my life. And right now that is my mindset, attitude, and perspective about living here in Washington; away from my family and in this nasty weather. Two things I didn't pray for but two things that I got.

That must mean that these things are useful for shaping me into the woman God created me to be. One thing this soul has to remind itself all the time is that it's okay to struggle. 

"You haven't arrived Aimee" is what i say to myself. "You are human. You get selfish you get angry you get stubborn you get an attitude."

It's not my duty to turn my humanness off. Its my duty to invite the Spirit of the living God in and say, here's my humanness, it's not pretty, but you love me and delight in me and see me and know me and are walking through this journey with me. And you can transform these things into things like surrender, perseverance, selfLESSness, and a testimony. Things that I literally do not have within myself. Things that cannot be conjured up. Things that are eternal and useful for your purpose. 

That's why I am in Washington. That's the journey I am on right now. That's my struggle. My flesh vs my spirit. And thats what God is loving and delighting in me through. 

Thank god he doesn't leave me. Thank god that he never gives up on me. Because I give up on me. But he sees me through to another day. He sees who I really am, when I dont. he sees all the things in me that I don't and he sees the end of this journey. 

So when I cry after seeing a father and daughter doing ministry together at church because my heart yearns for that so much, it's okay I will take heart because i am on a journey and god is shaping me.

When I hold back tears at seeing a friend and her sister-in-law live in the same town and watch as their kids as play together, it's okay I will take heart because gods doing a work in me.

When I get jealous of friends as they go to their family dinners every week, it's okay I'll take heart because god sees me.

When I get mad as I look at the weather on my phone for Olympia and then California, I will surrender to God because I know he cares for me.

When I see my niece spend weekly time with her grandma and grieve at the thought of my kids missing out on that, I will let it out because my Jesus loves to hear my concerns.

And when I am laughing and enjoying the company of people on Monday nights that might as well be my family, I will be grateful for Washington. 

When I am hanging out with my girlfriends who have become as close as sisters, who listen to my heart, encourage me, challenge me, and relate to me I will be grateful for Washington. 

When I am at Living Water's youth group, seeing high schooler's lives get changed forever by Jesus and ministering with a team of leaders that is like no other, I will be grateful for Washington.

When Zach and I are having dinner with a couple and get the joy of speaking into their lives and helping them through a season that  we  were just in a couple of years ago, I will be grateful for Washington.

When I lay my head on my pillow and see my husband that I love more than I can explain, When I stare into his eyes and think about how far we've come and where I'd be without him, where we'd be without all of the people who have poured into us along the way, I will be grateful for Washington.