I've Unpacked my Bags

Have you ever had someone say something that opened up a can of worms that you would have rather kept closed?

Totally me on Sunday @ church.

While speaking about faith, my pastor said "you cannot keep your options open AND trust the Lord."  That provoked me to ask myself these tough questions:

Am I committed whole heartedly to the Lord?
Am I committed past alternatives? 

As I reflected on these questions, I was grieved and encouraged at the same time.  No, I have not always been whole heartedly committed to the Lord. No, I have not always been committed past alternatives. I've wanted to be, but I have not actually been. Being fully sold out to Jesus is scary! It takes great FAITH to throw plan B, C, & D out the window and say "God, I am holding onto no back up plans. You're my only option" Society doesn't teach that. Culture tells us to always have a backup because its the wise, mature, smart thing to do. But the Kingdom of God is so different. Jesus is always looking to grow our faith. Back up plans steal our trust and faith away from Jesus, though. He can work with little faith, but he cannot work with half-hearted faith.
By this point, I was already mentally spent. hah! But, this all got me thinking about my faith journey the past 4 years, and reminiscing about the different seasons the Lord and I have walked through.

In the spring of 2008 God said to me "You cannot become who you are supposed to be here in Sacramento." So, I moved to Olympia, WA to do Anthem.
I was really homesick living here, so I asked the Lord if this is where I'd be staying for a long while I felt him say "This is a launching point; a preparation for what is next."
In the spring of 2009 as I sought the Lord about staying for a 2nd year of Anthem or not (um BIG DEAL because I missed home SO much), He spoke Exodus 3:5 to me: "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is Holy ground." Even after being here for 9 months, my bags were still packed (figuratively), ready to go as soon as He said go. In my heart, I was waiting at the door with my hand on the knob, ready to peace out of Washington.  He whispered to my soul that morning, "take off your shoes, unpack your bags and stay awhile Aimee."

So, I stayed. I did a 2nd year of Anthem and then I fell in love and got married and got a full time job, and before I knew it I had been here for almost four years. FOUR YEARS! Not my plan. In the past four years I might have taken a few things out of my bags (figuratively), but never fully unpacked. My heart has always been half here and half in California. 

It wasn't until this past February that I really started to "unpack" my bags and settle into Washington. 3 and a half years of wondering God, I thought you said this was a launching point?! God, I thought you said this wasn't where I'd be staying? I don't think I heard the Lord wrong. I think that my timing and his timing are different. The bible tells us, his ways are not our ways, his thoughts are not our thoughts. Let me tell you folks, that is for sure true!

Something in my heart started to change in February when I came back from my trip to Sacramento, though. God started to transform my perspective and my outlook. As I cried out to Him and let Him into the pain & struggle, I gained a glimpse of His vision and purpose for me here in Olympia. As He's comforted, encouraged, & challenged me in it all, I've began to realize why I am here.

You see, this has never been a matter of where I live, this is matter of my trust and faith in Jesus.
Do I trust Jesus enough to unpack my bags and stay awhile?
Do I trust that He knows what he's doing with us here and trust that we'll be here as long as He sees fit?
Do I have Faith in Jesus enough to put stop entertaining my plan Bs of moving "back home"?
Am I ready to whole-heartedly live in Washington?

There have been many hard, tear-filled days & nights asking myself these questions. The answers have honestly been no...until now.

I am ready. I am ready to stop living with one foot in my plans and one foot in the Lord's plans. I don't want to be doing anything in my life half-heartedly. We are turning the corner in this journey. A lot is uknown, and nothing is certain except for the fact that Jesus will never fail me, Jesus will never trick me, Jesus will never leave me, Jesus will never give up on me, Jesus wants to bless me, Jesus wants to prosper me, and Jesus wants to give me the desires of my heart.

I am putting all of my eggs in one basket, I am waving the white flag of surrender, I am okay with the world criticizing me for fully trusting in the Lord. I am unpacking my bags. I am taking off my shoes. And I am staying awhile.